Saturday, August 16, 2008

A little sad, a little reflective..

I know that this is the season for love & giving and all but it is also a time when we miss the ones that aren't here. I am sad today - I am missing someone. I was spending time with him last year at this time and I am remembering. I was in the grocery store today and there was a gentleman in front of me who reminded me of Skip (my daughter's Dad, my good friend) only Skip in 20 yrs. And it just felt like a stab in my heart. Right there in the store I teared up - dammit to hell anyway, why do I have to cry right in the damn store? I quickly got to my car and let it happen..I let the tears come. I honored my feelings of grief and allowed myself to miss him and remember him. I had really gotten better about not getting emotional when someone or something reminded me of him but I haven't gone a whole year yet and I suppose it's only natural to miss him during the holidays more accutely. I know Stephanie does, I know she hurts from missing her Dad. I especially was thinking about him last week when it was Stephanie's birthday - I think it was only natural that I would. And she was also missing him a great deal on that day.

I am wondering if he knows that we miss him so. I do have faith that he is in a much better place than I. Not in the religious way - I am not religious in the way that believes that only a fraction of humankind are gonna be 'in a better place' but that we are all connected and the connection transcends time and space. That is my personal belief - not a challenge to any one else's.
I just know that people in my life have touched me and taught me. There have been special people in my life that have left their heartprint on mine. It will never go away - it is there for me when I need it. Even now as I miss Skip so, I can remember something that we would laugh about and it makes me happy. I was so lucky to have had the relationship that I had with him. I am especially happy that Stephanie had that security and experience of having parents that loved her and that loved and respected each other even tho we couldn't stay married. He was one of kind - that's for sure and I was priviledged to have been his friend.

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