Tomorrow we are leaving for a much anticipated vacation up in beautiful Lake Tahoe. Dave and I are going up one day early and are going to spend the night in Reno then the next day we are checking into our rental house. Stephanie and her family will arrive there Sat. Then my son and his girlfriend and Christina and her fiance, Joe, will be there on Monday. I'm very happy to have all of my kids together for a vacation. When they were young I used to take them up to Tahoe every year and we always had a great time. Usually I do not want to go home.
One of the things I am hoping is for Dave to be able to relax and for us to reconnect and find romance again. The physical part of our relationship has been practically non existent for several months and it is really getting me down. He has been depressed and shut off from most joyful things, instead working so hard to secure a promotion and make more money for our future. Because he has been depressed (and I know how that is) I haven't pressured him about discussing anything too deep or about our physical distance but I am just about drained from this. I feel like I lost him somewhere. I don't want to be roommates, I want to have intimacy on every level with my husband. Isn't that what marriage is. I know and understand that he has reasons for his depression. He has some deep stuff that he hasn't dealt with and has told me a few times that he's going to seek help. He has not. He doesn't have any friends around here, doesn't socialize really, doesn't exercise or do anything just for himself. I feel for him I really do and it breaks my heart. It also hurts me to be alone so much and to never have compliments or passes.
I sure hope this vacation allows for him to just have some fun and for us to remember those early days of romance. I miss it.