Friday, July 10, 2009

Honest Scrap Award

My friend, Kristin, and someone else (escapes my memory right now) tagged me to do this grueling little diddy. I have to come up with 10 truths most people don't know about me. I've been putting it off because I think I'm pretty open and that I don't withhold information but the truth is of course I do and I do for a reason - so others won't see me in a negative light. In the meantime my daughter, Stephanie, has done one and did an excellent job of being honest and transparent. I'm sure I'm not as interesting as she is but here goes -

1. Sometimes when a stranger does something really stupid I fantasize about slapping them upside the head or tripping them. This includes old and young strangers - no matter - I have a no prejudice policy for fantasy kickass. Then I smile to myself feeling better as I am on my way.

2. When I was a little kid I used to fantasize that my parents were killed in either a plane or car crash and then I would cry real tears. It was one of the only ways I could actually 'feel' so that I could cry. There was a lot of abuse going on in my home so I was on auto-pilot a lot of time just to survive.

3. I wanted children as early as 11 or 12 and couldn't wait to get married to have a baby. My biggest regret in life is that I thought that my desire to be a good Mother was in of itself enough but turned out that I was sadly unequipped and lacking in the great Mother gene. There is not a day that goes by that I don't regret mistakes I made as a Mother that hurt my children in any way.

4. Sometimes I wish I could just take off somewhere by myself without having to explain myself. Just to be completely on my own and do exactly as I please for a month. I would shave my head and live in a monastery somewhere.

5. I have a hard time realizing my age and especially my weight.

6. I looked my best in my late 30's early 40's. I was rockin.

7. I regret not spending more time with my grandmother when she had cancer. We had always been SO close but by then I was a 16/17 yr old self absorbed, immortal teenager who didn't realize what was happening. I miss her still to this day.

8. When I was pregnant with my first child I would secretly pray/wish/beg for the baby to be a girl even tho that had already been determined. And I wanted a girl for my 2nd and 3rd as well. I would have been perfectly happy with 3 or 4 little girls.

9. When I was little because I felt so 'different' I didn't think my relatives (aunts, uncles, cousins) liked me so I stayed distant from them and never formed close relationships with them. I envy people who have strong family ties.

10. I regret dropping out of High School and going to college when I was young and didn't have kids yet. I think my life would have turned out way differently. I don't know if it would be better or worse but certainly different and I'm sure I would have done well.

Ok, phew, I did it. I'm not tagging anyone but I would love it if you are reading this and have not done it to try it - it's freeing.


Alicia said...

I think you did a great job on your list. It's very honest and heartfelt. I'm glad it felt good to share.

And fantasy ass-kicking... hell yes! I totally do that, too!

Christina said...

I was the other one who tagged you, I can't believe you forgot me! Sniff, sniff, I so sad... J/K, I don't mind :D

I enjoyed your list, as Alicia said it's very honest. I can really appreciate the one about motherhood, and particularly the desire to take off by yourself for a month with no explanation. Sigh, I fantasize about that all the time.

Anonymous said...

Good thing I was a girl! And at least you got a 'girlie' son (for the first 16 years at least).

I feel the same way about #4, I fantasize about something like that all of the time!

LOL @ 'Fantasy Kickass'!